Deconstructionalist Literary Diarrhea

I don’t want to sound too much of an insincere asshole, but I’m really tired of hearing the term ‘going green.’ I’m all up for saving lives of polar bears and the betterment of our planet and all of that, but seriously, i’m so over hearing about it. I think it’s awesome that the hubba hubba burnin’ love that is Al Gore raised awareness of the crisis that is Global Warming, but it started an annoying trend. ‘Going green’ is just as trendy as Von Dutch was five years ago.

Example A:

me: hey so and so, how’s it going?
person A: oh good good. check out my new bag. isn’t it cute?
me: oh yeah, it is cute. i love tote bags.
person A: and the best part is, its green friendly. i’m gonna go to whole foods and go grocery shopping with it. remember if you don’t have one, use paper!
me: well i usually get plastic since i use it for trash bags
person A: oh…well…thats cool. but umm..i have to run. after i go to whole foods, i’m gonna go home and watch “Planet Earth.” I had it tivo’d lastnight since I was up late separating recyclables from my trash can.

Also, I was stuck in traffic on the way home today, and guess which car surrounded me:

Thats right..a Toyota Prius. Everyone in LA has a Prius. I think I see more Prius’ than I do any other car here. I see it so much that I want to get a fucking Prius..just like I want to get a bank account at Wachovia only because I see their ads everywhere! The Prius haunts me; I see it EVERYWHERE I go, and not only do I see it, but it lines up every street. That shit is taking over.

Example B:

You see what I mean? Since people like Cameron Diaz and Leo DiCaprio endorse it, everrrrrrrryone has to endorse it too. Don’t get me wrong — I LOVE that they’re setting a good example. We should care about our environment more, and I’m glad people are taking initiative to do so.

HOWEVER, this is the last thing I want to hear:

Me: Yooo what up! Long time no see. What are you drinking?
Person B: A shot of course…of wheat grass! I brought it in. You know you can buy them in stock at Jamba Juice? heehee..Go Green! Its so fetch! Wait..do you think I can get a ride home? Cuz I brought my scooter here to save gas, but it took me an extra hour and a half, so I ran out.
Me: …………………

I feel like I’ll be hearing that sometime in the near future. This is my deal: I feel like people are ‘going green’ because everyone else has ‘gone green.’ And most of them ‘go green’ without knowing what ‘going green’ really means! And LA has definitely gone so green. So green, I was driving on Robertson and Olympic and came across a space station.

Wait..I meant a gas station. Its pretty cool, actually. But not really. Here’s the accompanying article:

“Choosing a station BP had purchased from California-based Thrifty Oil, the architects launched a total environmental and aesthetic makeover. Their goal: to make old elements green in a way that could be easily reproduced. “This is not the end-all of sustainability,” Tehrani says, “but a continuing investigation into sustainable options for future projects.” Helios House also aims to educate consumers: After filling their tanks, drivers receive a small card containing tips for green living. The card, which has flower seeds embedded in it, is biodegradable.

Skeptics might say that dressing up a gas station with solar panels and recycle bins is like putting lipstick on a pig, and Tehrani concedes that “a sustainable gas station may appear to be a contradiction.” Still, BP has 25,000 stations worldwide, and collectively, they leave a significant environmental footprint. “You never know where the next Helios House might pop up,” says Ann Hand, a BP senior vice president for brand marketing and innovation. And other oil companies might follow BP’s lead. “Consider how many gas stations are built or renovated around the country,” Tehrani says.

Meanwhile, the eco-station is good business: 46 percent of Helios House customers say that they travel out of their way to fill their tanks there. In other words, eco-minded drivers will actually use more gas to buy more gas.”

DUHHHHHHHH. They’re just gonna go cuz its a rad looking gas station. No other reason. Geez people. If you want to ‘go green’ I suggest to just keep that to yourself. Or else people like me will be obnoxious and quiz you on all this shit that you don’t know. As for me, I’ll support going green, but I’d rather go blue — Its a better color.